WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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