my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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