Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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