Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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