I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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