And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
