could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
