its not stalking. its research.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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