Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
