what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
