do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
