I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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