dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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