Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
