dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize