i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
