Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
