I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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