When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
