I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
