It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
