This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Drake has all the answers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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