I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
