My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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