Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
