Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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