I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
