I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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