You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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