i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Enjoy the penises
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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