Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
