If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
