when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
