don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
