hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
