remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never joke about your clitoris.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
