I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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