I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
