I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am available for nakedness
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
