i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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