ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
