Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
