I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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