Taylor Swift is so right about you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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