The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this just has baby written all over it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
