i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
