I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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