So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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