they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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