My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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