I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
