I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri