This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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