1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?