Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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