I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.