i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've blown a few things in my day
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.