I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
