Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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