I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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