apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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