just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
