nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
