Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
bring money and cleavage
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize